


Humans are Insufferable

by Zekebum



Category: Villainous (Cartoon)
Genre: ??? - Freeform, Black Hat gets sentimental or smth, Black Hat has a heart, Black Hat is probably ooc, Black Hat laments for a bit, Characters are probably OOC, Demencia and 5.0.5 are only mentioned, Family Fluff, Fluff, How Do I Tag, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I wrote this for myself, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, M/M, Minor Black Hat/Dr. Flug (Villainous), My First Work in This Fandom, Paperhat if you quint, Self-Indulgent, Villainous - Freeform, flug has a sister
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-14
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-03-31 06:16:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13969104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zekebum/pseuds/Zekebum
Summary: Black Hat has never been particularly fond of humans...... Except for this one. This one is okay.---Hello yes I wrote this for myself but it's basically just BH fawning over a baby. Nice and fluffy. You're welcome. Might turn this into a fully written fic depending on how people like it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Let's be frank; I wrote this for myself because I love this kind of domestic-y fluff and there just ain't enough of it.
> 
> This has not been beta-d by anyone other than me, and I wrote it in the span of two days on like six hours of sleep, so if you see any mistakes, please feel free to call them out lmao.
> 
> Anyways, enjoy!! :)

A few weird things had happened within the past few months that honestly surprised the notorious Black Hat.

The first odd thing that had happened, was that he found out Doctor Flug Slys had an older sister.

Okay, weird, he remembered thinking, but not completely unusual. Lots of humans had siblings.

He just didn't expect _Flug,_ of all people, to have any.

Black Hat didn't, of course; he was an only child - as far as he knew - and couldn't remember his parents, but he really couldn't care any less.

So, for a while, Flug's sister - what was her name? He couldn't remember - would visit a few times. Not very often, just once or twice a month.

But there was a period of time where she just stopped showing up, and the Eldritch could sense the worry and anxiety radiating off of the doctor for weeks. It was almost sickening; to see how much Flug cared for her.

He would never admit it, but it made him a little jealous to watch Flug pay so much attention to his sister, rather than devoting all of his time to him. But, he found no reason to be angry about it; he figured, if he had a brother or a sister, he might be the same way.

And almost as soon as everybody had gotten back into the swing of things, she showed up again. Of course Flug was happy, relieved that nothing horrible had happened to her. Only, this time, she bore surprising news, thus leading to the second most surprising thing that had happened.

Flug was going to become an uncle.

Black Hat had been around when she had told him, and it surprised the both of them. Flug, of course, was ecstatic, so much excited and happy energy flowing off of him in waves that the demon could practically taste it. It made him gag.

Though, the Eldritch was moreso confused by the new news. Where was this girl's mate? Surely she had one, since she was now pregnant. Obviously, he would not have allowed them any entrance to his manor, since they were not directly related to any of his employees, but still.

He wondered.

Black Hat had questioned Flug about his concerns after she had left that day, and his response was very aggressive, and very much unlike the jittery and anxious doctor.

"Fucker left as soon as he found out. _Cobarde hijo de puta._ "

How spineless of him, the Eldritch had thought upon hearing his response, before thanking Flug and retreating to his office.

And now, some odd months later, when the baby had been born - a girl, he reminded himself - Flug was about the happiest man Black Hat had ever seen.

Again, it made him gag, but he hated to admit that Flug's happiness was quite contagious.

Not that he'd ever let anyone know that, not even over his dead body after it's been six feet under for centuries.

So, when Flug had come into Black Hat's office one day, asking if his sister could bring his niece over, he quickly agreed, much to his own - and the scientist's - surprise. He had briefly thought about changing his mind, but upon seeing the happy little twinkle in Flug's eyes, he couldn't bring himself to do it.

The first few times she had brought the baby by, Black Hat stayed out of her and Flug's way; although he had to admit, his interest was piqued from the very first time he saw the tiny, pathetic thing swaddled in blankets.

She was _so small_ , was the first thing Black Hat had thought upon seeing the baby. The tiniest human he had ever seen, if he was being honest. It was... kind of, dare he say,  _cute_ , if he was being honest with himself here.

Which he wasn't! _Definitely_ not! The great Black Hat definitely did _not_ think the human infant was cute. No way.

However, this did not stop the Eldritch from sneaking curious glances whenever she or Flug walked by him with the baby in their arms.

But, anyways, that chain of events is what led up to the current moment in time.

Flug had been asked to babysit for a while, while Sandra ran a few errands, and of course Flug had agreed, but only after asking Black Hat if it was okay.

Again, the demon had given his reply a bit too fast, quickly telling him that it was fine and that the deadline for his newest invention would be extended depending on how long he spent watching the kid.

Couldn't get _too_ lenient now, Black Hat couldn't have people start suspecting that he did indeed have a heart.

So, she had brought the little three month old baby over about an hour ago, and Black Hat had been trying his damnest to avoid following the scientist around the whole time.

He didn't know why he was all of a sudden so interested in human infants, but his urge had grown strong enough for him to growl angrily to himself and hastily lock himself up in his office.

He quickly shed his coat and rolled up the red sleeves of his button-up shirt. He plopped himself down in his tall swivel chair, and kicked his feet up onto his desk, sitting there like that with his arms crossed over his chest for a few moments while he thought.

Why in hell's name was he suddenly so god damn fascinated by a stupid, defenseless infant?! He _never_ had been before, so why _now?_

... Perhaps it was because it _was_ such a tiny, helpless thing? Such a creature would be easy to harm and manipulate, he reasoned, but quickly shook his head.

No. No, that couldn't be it, because for some strange reason, Black Hat didn't actually _want_ to hurt the baby.

And that was perhaps the most frustrating part of this whole ordeal; the Eldritch didn't actually know _what_ it was that he wanted to do.

Part of him wanted to seek out Flug and ask him questions about humans and their young, but that would just be stupid. Black Hat was supposed to be highly intelligent, and asking a human about human-related things would make him seem stupid.

So he scratched that idea. Literally.

He raised his hands up from his chest and removed his dark gray gloves, and he used a clawed finger to carve a small tally mark into the side of his desk. He would call that section, _"Dumbest Ideas I've Ever Had"_. It was next to another section with _several_ tally marks, and he liked to call that section: _"Dumbest Ideas Everyone Except Me Has Ever Had"_.

The other, more reasonable side of him, wanted to continue sulking in his chair.

... Yeah, yeah he'd do that.

He had just laid his gloves neatly down on his desk when there was a light knocking at his door, followed by a:

" _Jefecito_? Are you in there?"

Completely forgetting about the child for a moment, he gave a soft grumble in reply.

"Yes, come in, Flug."

Black Hat finally glanced up after hearing the door click shut, and he visibly tensed up when his eyes fell upon the sleeping form in Flug's arms. Flug stepped closer to the large desk, and the demon couldn't help but stand up from his chair and back up a little.

"Sir, if you don't mind," The scientist started with a whisper, "Would you please hold her while I run to the bathroom? She just went to sleep, and if I put her down she'll wake up again."

Black Hat's eye widened incredulously, and he tensed up even more, eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

"You, I... What?" He spluttered, but somehow still managing to keep his voice soft. He crossed his arms in front of his chest.

" _Jefecito, por favor?_ "

A soft growl arose in the back of the Eldritch's throat. "Why can't Demencia or 5.0.5 do it?"

Flug gave him an exasperated look at that.

"With all due respect, Sir, I don't trust Demencia with a toothpick, and as sweet as 5.0.5 is, I'm afraid he'll accidentally smother her. Plus, Dem doesn't like her; I think she feels intimidated by her."

Black Hat thought about those words for a moment, and he huffed softly, before uncrossing his arms.

"Fine." He reluctantly agreed, knowing that Flug _did_ have a point. He outstretched his arms to the other, a bit awkwardly. "Give her here, then."

Flug, a bit surprised, did as he was told, and he stepped closer to the demon. He was only a couple of inches away from being chest-to-chest with Black Hat, as he gently passed the baby over to him. Flug immediately took a few steps back, not wanting to invade his boss's personal space for longer than needed. The Eldritch awkwardly held the baby under her armpits at an arms length, making a weird face.

"Like this?"

"Uh... No. No, not quite, sir. Hold her on her back, and make sure you support her head," Flug explained, and he held his arms in a cradle-like motion and close to himself, trying to show Black Hat what he meant, "It's, uh, usually easier if you hold her closer to yourself, too."

Black Hat listened to Flug's words and tried to replicate what he was doing. He gently shifted the baby in his arms, moving her closer to himself as he glanced back over at the scientist with a hint of uncertainty in his eye.

"This better?"

"Much." Flug gave a small smile from underneath the bag, "I'll only be a moment!"

And Flug was gone, shutting the door softly behind him.

Black Hat stared at the double doors for a while, before he felt the baby shift in his arms, and he quickly jerked his attention down to her, eye wide, afraid he'd done something wrong already and Flug hadn't even been gone for three seconds.

He watched for a few moments as the baby squirmed against him, blanket _incredibly_ soft against his bare gray forearms. She began to make soft noises, and Black Hat could only guess that they were in discontentment. He didn't know what to do, and stood there staring for a few moments, before remembering seeing Flug rock the baby when she started getting fussy.

Well... He couldn't exactly rock her while standing up, and his swivel chair wouldn't exactly work, so instead he settled on slowly pacing the room. That wasn't working, so he began shifting his weight from foot to foot, continuing his slow walk. He didn't think that was working either, and he thought " _this is so stupid"_ , until the baby finally settled in his arms, and he couldn't help but grin in silent triumph.

He continued to do what he was doing, all the while studying the babies' soft features. He noticed the sweet smell that seemed to come from her, and he briefly wondered if all human babies smelled like this.

He didn't, however, notice the soft rumbling that had started up from deep within his chest, and---

Oh.

_Oh._

_Oh my **god.**_

Black Hat would've sworn his icy black heart might've actually melted just then and there.

She _yawned._

Okay. _Fuck_ his bad-guy-image, that was fucking _adorable._

His face lit up as the rumbling grew slightly louder, with a stronger intensity to it, and he genuinely smiled down at the baby.

"Aww, _paulo infans_ , you're too cute, you know?" He purred softly, bringing the sleeping bundle just a little bit closer to his chest. "Flug's a lucky man, to have you in his life. And your mother, a lucky woman." He paused, mentally wondering why on earth he was about to lament to a baby. Still, he continued; it felt nice to be able to talk and for his words to not have any sort of consequence to them.

"I've wondered, sometimes, what it's like to have a family... I _want_ one, so badly; I don't want anybody to grow up the same way I did..." He shifted the baby in his arms, and moved one of his ungloved hands to her face, gently touching her cheek with the back of his index finger. He noted how absolutely soft and smooth the skin there was, and he slowly caressed it.

"I used to be afraid that that might never happen, but..." He trailed off, looking away from the bundle in his arms before momentarily stopping his pacing and rocking. He stopped only for a few moments to think, but in that time, the baby squirmed a bit, eyes fluttering open momentarily, and her tiny hand grabbed the Eldritch's finger, before falling sleep again. Black Hat couldn't stop the grin that arose to his face, and noted that this baby had _beautiful_ blue eyes. Did that possibly mean Flug had blue eyes, too?

"But, I suppose, in a way, I kind of do have a family, yeah? I mean, they pi-- _tick_ me off sometimes," He took care to censor himself, not knowing how developed human babies ears were, or how much they understood at this age, "... A lot. And I say I hate them, and, I really don't think I do; at least not anymore. But, they're the closest thing I've got, and y'know what?"

The baby made a soft noise, as if to say " _what?_ ", and Black Hat smiled softly, the deep purr continuing to rumble within his chest.

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

Black Hat was so hyperfocused on the child in his arms, that he was completely unaware that Flug had returned a few minutes ago, and had been watching the scene for quite some time now.

Flug was honestly shocked. Like, this was one of _the_ most shocking things that he's ever witnessed. He couldn't _believe_ the words that came out of the demon's mouth, but, if they really were true, Flug had to agree. The scientist also couldn't believe how affectionate Black Hat was being with his niece, but it warmed his heart either way.

It was nice, seeing his normally stone-cold, one-track-minded boss being so open and sincere. And the inhuman _purring_ noise the demon was making was a pretty big surprise, too. The scientist didn't think the Eldritch was capable of doing that.

There were so many thoughts running through Flug's mind, but the one that stood out the most to him was the words Black Hat had said.

He thought of them like a _family_. Hell, an _extremely_ dysfunctional family, with many, _many_ issues, but a family, nonetheless. It made the scientist happy, to hear those words come out of Black Hat's mouth.

Flug decided to finally make his presence known, and he subconsciously brought a fist up in front of his bag - where his mouth was, if it weren't covered - as he cleared his throat. He saw the demon immediately stop with his movement and tense up, shoulders nearly reaching the rims of his top hat. He also heard the purring stop almost immediately.

Flug decided not to tease him about that, thinking that if he did, he might actually be murdered on the spot.

"H-How long have you been standing there?" He whispered, both because of the sleeping child and because he was slightly fearful of the answer.

Even though Flug had seen and heard pretty much everything Black Hat had said (having returned when he called the baby cute), he decided to humor him, and spare him the embarrassment. For now, anyways.

"Not long, _Jefecito_ , I just got here."

It was a lie, obviously, but the demon had decided to accept it, too afraid of acknowledging the fact that his personal scientist had some dirt on him now.

"Good." Black Hat finally turned around to face the other, posture still incredibly tense, and he avoided eye contact as he gently wiggled his gray finger free from the baby's grasp.

"Now... Take her back, _obsecro_." He feigned a look of disgust as he held her out at an arms' length again, and there was an unidentifiable look in his eye when Flug approached him and took the baby back into his own arms.

"You humans are insufferable." He heard the demon mumble.

Okay, maybe a _little_ bit of teasing right now wouldn't hurt.

"If you say so, _Jefe_.~"

There was a moments' pause, before Black Hat responded.

"I do say so."


	2. Author's Note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick question, not an update, sorry! :)

Hey guys!

Let me start out by saying I'm sorry if you thought this would be an actual update or another part; I don't plan on adding onto this one shot.

However, I _am_ currently planning out a full fic based on this one-shot, and I currently have the first twelve chapters planned out. I don't know how long it'll be as I am planning out the story and plot chapter by chapter; in other words, I don't have a preset. I will only start actually writing it once I have all of the chapters planned out, and thus the whole story is planned out. That way, I can hopefully update it on a schedule, and it will be much easier for me to write out and keep interested in if I know where I'm going to go with it.

That's not the reason I am writing this note, however, because I actually _do_ need to ask a question before I can technically start writing the full fic.

Will you guys help me out by suggesting some names for both Flug's sister and her baby? I don't have any picked out because I don't know what would stick the best, and I want to know what you guys think!

Hopefully I'll be able to finish planning the full fic soon, and then hopefully I'll get to start actually writing it soon, and _hopefully_ I'll be able to post it soon! :) It all depends how the next few weeks go at school, because I only have nine more weeks left, so I don't know if I'm gonna get loaded up with a bunch of work or not.

Please suggest some names if you have any ideas, and keep on the lookout for the full fic based on this!! <3


	3. Another Question

Okay guys, so here's the thing. 

I've got the first thirteen chapters for a full fic for this planned out, but I know it's nowhere near being done. However I've kind of run into one of those spots where you don't really know where to take it from then on, which is why I only have the first thirteen planned. 

So my question is: Do you guys want me to go ahead and start writing the full fic, and when I get to fourteen hopefully I'll have an idea of where to go with it? I wanted to plan out the whole thing so there wouldn't be super long waits between updates, but if you guys want me to go ahead and start, I'll do that. 

Just let me know!

**Author's Note:**

> Ending's not the best but gimme a break its 3 AM on a school night lmao, but I hope you enjoyed my self-indulgence as much as I did!! ;)
> 
> I have a personal headcanon that Flug's first language is Spanish and he can speak it fluently and often does so without really realizing. Same with BH, but his is Latin.
> 
> In the beginning, Flug says: "Cowardly son of a bitch.", and BH says: "little baby," and "please".
> 
> Google translate is, of course, my best friend here. ;)
> 
> But, I would like to know if you would possibly like to see a full fic for this? Because I have a few ideas, but I won't continue if no one wants a full fic; I'll just leave it as a one-shot.
> 
> Feedback is always appreciated!! :)


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